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The Thieves Guild

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by Jake Kerr.

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Episode eight.

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The Founders Day Parade.

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The Founders Day parties didn't begin in earnest
until the parade ended,

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but that didn't mean that half the populace
wouldn't be out dancing and drinking the night

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before.

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Raylan used to like to watch the flickering lights
of the flats from his brother's office on the

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night before Founders Day, but since Raylan was
made Guildmaster thief,

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Larson wouldn't even talk to him.

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Raylan wanted to walk down to the Painted Sheep or
the Four Triangles,

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find Rafe, and just enjoy the festivities, but he
was still feeling

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too sick and nervous to do anything more than just
rest.

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So while Allard finished gathering his guild robes
and clothing, Raylan spent a

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quiet night underground in his quarters.

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The next morning, he stood outside the craft guild
tower as Allard secured

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the cage on the wooden wagon. The wagon was
painted black, but was

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otherwise unadorned, just the large cage
surrounding a wooden stool.

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The cage was strong, comprised of metal bars about
the thickness of a

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thumb. It would stop stones and bricks, and would
easily withstand

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fruit and vegetables, but that wasn't the point.

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As fruit exploded against the cage, juices and
pulp would spray the

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guildmaster within, showering him with the anger
of a populous that lived in a rigid

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society of guild order, yet still had to deal with
the outrage of thieves.

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Raylan watched as the various Harvest Guild floats
made their way onto the brick

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road that led from the craft tower to the merchant
tower, Merchant

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Avenue. The parade would end at the merchant
tower, and the parties would

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then flow into Founders Park, but that wouldn't
happen until the single black

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wagon at the rear of the parade made its way down
the road.

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"It is time," Allard stated.

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Raylan nodded, jumped onto the wagon and climbed
into the cage.

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He sat down on the wood stool. It was nailed to
the floor and offered good

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support. He arranged his freshly made black robe
as Allard

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checked the latch. Raylan reached to pull up his
hood, but Allard shook his

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head. "They have to see your face." "You mean they
have to see the garbage dripping down my

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face?" "That too." Raylan looked ahead.

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His wagon would join the parade in moments.

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He saw the youngsters pushing to get to the front
of the crowds, rotten produce in hand.

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"Where will you be, Allard?" "I'll be right
behind.

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No need to fear anything worse than a good
pelting." Looking over his shoulder, Raylan

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replied, "There's a danger of worse than that."

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Allard didn't reply, and the wagon started to
move.

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The wagon hadn't even made it to the official
parade route when the garbage started to fly.

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He had expected to feel juice and bits of fruit
and vegetables hit him, and he

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had planned on a dignified response worthy of
Guildmaster Pietro.

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He would wipe his eyes, smile and wave.

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His actual response was to cover his mouth with
his hands as he bent over, doing his

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best to stop from retching.

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The first deluge was of rotten vegetables.

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The cage stopped the vegetables, but not the brown
sticky goo, which sprayed

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Raylan in the face. He made the mistake of
breathing in while wiping his face,

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and the noxious smell of rot filled his nose. It
only got worse from there.

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While the bars stopped larger rocks, Raylan never
realized that some boys used

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slingshots to launch smaller stones and pebbles.

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Many of them ricocheted off the bars, but several
got through, their impact

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leaving welts on his entire body. At one point, he
felt a small stone

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hit his ear, and when he reached up, he was sure
that it had sliced through and he was

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bleeding, but it was only a bit of tomato.

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He had given up any pretension of smiling and
waving less than a quarter of the way

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down the parade route.

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His goal was simply to get through the experience
with a modicum of dignity.

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Every so often, he would glance around and the
faces he saw disturbed him.

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He had always approached the parade with an eye
toward drenching Guildmaster Pietro

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with tomato juice. For Raylan, it was always with
a sense of fun.

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In fact, he often used his tosses toward the
Guildmaster thief as an excuse to hit

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the knights lined up across the road.

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Getting hit in the crossfire was to be expected,
but Raylan took particular

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joy in just missing the cage, only to hit a knight
squarely in the chest.

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So as he looked around, he couldn't understand the
numerous scowls and faces

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contorted with rage. Screams about stolen items
were added to the

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vilest names imaginable, all aimed at him.

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At one point, Raylan turned to Allard to ask why
everyone was so angry.

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The sight shocked him. While not the target Raylan
was, Allard's black

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cloak was thick with debris. Even as Raylan
watched, an apple bounced off of

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Allard's shoulder. He ignored it, however, and
walked onward, his face lost

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in the darkness of his hood. It got worse halfway
through the route.

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To the north was Founders Park, and the crowds
were thickest at the point the wagon had

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just reached. Raylan could barely keep his eyes
open as the rotten fruit,

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stones and vegetables rained down on him.

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Up ahead, a group of boys wearing the green of the
Harvest Guild was gathered.

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They started chanting, "Piss on thieves," as
Raylan approached....

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as his wagon passed, they let loose a volley of
what looked like animal skins at him.

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These exploded as they hit the cage, showering
Raylan with urine.

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There were so many thrown at once that Raylan
couldn't stop some from getting up his nose and
into his

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mouth. He spat and coughed to the sounds of
receding laughter.

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By the time the parade ended, Raylan's eyes, nose,
and mouth burned.

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His body was covered with welts and bruises, and
he smelled worse than the Barn District.

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He wiped off as much of the debris as he could as
he watched Allard climb onto the

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wagon.

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Despite being covered in filth, Allard carried
himself with the same military grace and

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solidity he always did. He opened the cage and
handed Raylan a towel.

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"You did well." Raylan looked up at him through
bleary eyes.

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"Well, I didn't throw up." Both of them turned to
the sound of clapping (clapping) .

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Larson stood beside the wagon with Karch.

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They both wore their formal deep blue robes.

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Raylan was tempted to flick a urine-soaked orange
rind at his brother.

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"All hail the Guildmaster of Filth." Larson bowed.

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"My dear brother, I never thought you would ever
look worse than in that awful guildless brown,

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but I daresay right now you look like you were
born and raised in the Wretched Quarter." He
tapped his chin

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with a finger. "But still, I must say, it is an
improvement, even with the stench."

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Karch snickered. Raylan reached down to pick up
some rotten vegetables, but Allard

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put his hand on Raylan's shoulder. "Dignity,
Guildmaster," he whispered.

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Raylan stood up straight and looked down at Karch.
"What was it you told me, Karch?

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That hurling filth and abuse at the guildmaster,
thief, is the practice of a child?

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Then look at your guildmaster, acting like the
child you described."

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Karch's jaw clenched while Larson frowned.

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Raylan rubbed the towel through his hair and
laughed.

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"Do you have anything important to tell me,
Larson?

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I have enough garbage to deal with at the moment."

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Larson sneered. "No.

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I and the other guildmasters have real business to
attend to over dinner.

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You and your disgraced knight can go get cleaned
up and crawl back under your rock.

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I don't believe we need to hear from you for
another year,

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which is about the best news I've heard today."

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He started to walk toward the merchant tower, but
stopped and turned back to face them.

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"I forgot to tell you that we found a problem with
the pipes leading to the north wing of the tower,
so

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you'll have to get washed in the upper triangle
bathhouse."

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Raylan cursed his brother under his breath.

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The one thing he was looking forward to was a hot
private bath. "Oh, don't worry.

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With that stench, I'm sure you'll have your
privacy.

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No one would want to be in the same room with
you."

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Larson smiled and started walking toward the
entrance to his tower.

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He stopped one more time and turned around.

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"I would offer my private bath, but my guild has
standards."

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Raylan jumped off the wagon and watched his
brother retreat.

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As he looked over, he almost didn't recognize
Allard.

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He had removed his robe and was handing it to a
boy standing next to him.

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He was wearing a full suit of chain mail with his
large sword in a sheath

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strapped to his back. Anyone would have mistaken
him for one of the night protectors,

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except instead of white, his armor was accented in
black.

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"Why wasn't I invited to the guildmaster dinner?"
Raylan asked

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through clenched teeth. Allard shrugged.

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"Guildmaster Pietro declined to attend every year.

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They probably just stopped sending an invitation
to the guild." "I am not Pietro."

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His deputy said nothing.

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Raylan ran his fingers through his dirty hair.

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"Where is the guildmaster dinner?" "I believe it
is being hosted by your brother this year."

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"That seals it.

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We will be attending this year, Allard."

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Before Allard could respond, Raylan was slapped
hard on the back.

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Jolly good show, Guildmaster.

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Raylan turned to see Rafe, a wide grin on his
face.

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"Rafe, how are you?" Raylan stepped forward, but
then stopped.

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"I'd hug you, but..." He waved his hand across his
filthy robes.

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Ah, that's okay, I'm fine. I figured this would be
the best place to find you.

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Are you okay?"

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"I'm fine, just a little bruised."

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Before either of them could continue, Allard spoke
up.

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"Guildmaster, if you would like to attend the
guildmaster dinner, I recommend we get

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moving. The bathhouse is a 20-minute walk." "Okay,
Allard.

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But first, I want to introduce you to my friend
Rafe."

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Allard nodded his head, but said nothing.

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Rafe looked Allard up and down.

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"I've seen you before. I always thought you were
Death wandering the streets of Ness."

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Raylan punched Rafe in the arm. "Show some
respect, Rafe.

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This is my deputy guildmaster, Allard."

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"I'm sorry, Deputy, I did not mean offense,

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although I doubt I'm the only one who has that
opinion.

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Heck, I bet you scare Karch."

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"A pleasure to meet you, Rafe."

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He bowed his head again and then turned to Raylan.

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"We should be going."

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"Can I help?"

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Rafe blurted out. "I'm sorry. We're just gonna get
washed up before we

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go to the guildmaster dinner as uninvited guests."

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Raylan grinned. "We're probably going to be an
hour late as it is." Raylan handed his

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robe to the same boy who took Allard's.

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Raylan really didn't want to miss anything, and he
wondered how bad the hour

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delay would be.

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He turned to Allard. "Allard, how bad is it for us
to be late?

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Do they make any significant decisions?"

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Raylan didn't know how it would go or what he
would do.

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He just wanted to experience what his brother had
over the past five years.

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The prospect of missing out on anything was almost
more than he could stand.

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"The major decisions are always made at the
Founder's Day Dinner.

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It is the only time that the Council of
Guildmasters meets with all of the junior
guildmasters.

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Your brother's banquet hall will be full." "Will
we miss that,

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or do they do official business after dinner?"

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Raylan was committed now. If there was a major
inter-guild decision, he wanted to

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take part. "I'm afraid they pretty much discuss
and vote while they eat.""They tend to

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start with the big decisions first so that they
aren't made with wine-addled minds later in the

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evening." Raylan stamped his foot. (foot stomp)

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"It's going to start any minute now, Allard.

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We'll never get back in time."

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"I'm afraid so."

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I can help.

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Both Allard and Raylan turned to Rafe, who was
grinning.

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I'll go in and cause a big distraction, something
that will take them a while to clean up.

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I bet they won't talk major business until things
calm down.

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Raylan turned to Allard.

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"Do you think that would work?"

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He shrugged.

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Before Raylan could give his friend the go-ahead,
Rafe blurted out-

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"But I won't do it unless you apprentice me to the
Thieves Guild."

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Raylan shook his head and smiled.

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"You're crazy.

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You want to be a thief?"

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His friend nodded.

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"I guess that makes three of us."

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The two shook hands as Allard added, "We must all
get moving if this has any hope of

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succeeding." He turned to Rafe. "Apprentice, you
will find access to the

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dinner rather difficult. I recommend you disguise
yourself as a, one of the waitstaff."

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"I have an even better idea than that."

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He slapped Raylan on the shoulder, and then
sprinted toward the merchant tower.

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"We must hurry," Allard noted, walking briskly
toward Trader's Bridge and the

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Upper Triangle. Raylan followed closely behind.

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Everyone gave them a wide berth.

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(dramatic music)